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Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

Sarah Silverman

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Sarah Silverman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: December 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Bedford
New Hampshire
Sarah Kate Silverman
Masturbating
Stop
Almost
Forget

More quotes by Sarah Silverman

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Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.
Sarah Silverman
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I like to think of myself as 'hot-larious' I'm cute, but I'm totally approachable.
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The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17.
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Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.
Sarah Silverman
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You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.
Sarah Silverman
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When I was three, my dad thought it would be hilarious to teach me swear words, then have me say them to his friends. They would laugh and laugh. I realize now the laugh was pure shock value, but it felt really good, and I've been chasing it ever since.
Sarah Silverman
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Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.
Sarah Silverman
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I feel so confident and awesome and sexy when I'm with people who are older than me, and I've always been surrounded by people who are older than me. But to be vital in comedy, you have to exist in a world that's dominated by young people.
Sarah Silverman
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I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.
Sarah Silverman
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I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
Sarah Silverman
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The reason the rest of us remember, like, when John Lennon died, is because it's a moment when adrenaline is surging.
Sarah Silverman
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I talk to friends who get their feelings hurt when they read Twitter mentions. I have an amazing solution - don't read Twitter mentions.
Sarah Silverman
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I think Jews tend to hold me in fairly high regard.
Sarah Silverman
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What makes Disney movies and Pixar movies always so good, hey take time and they're constantly honing, and tweaking, and rejiggering things, and taking influences from every cog, including myself, that can help. Any place where there can be inspiration. They make every moment very layered and very rich.
Sarah Silverman
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I don't think there is a woman in her 40s who doesn't, kind of, examine herself in the mirror.
Sarah Silverman
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We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.
Sarah Silverman
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If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.
Sarah Silverman
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If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.
Sarah Silverman
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If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.
Sarah Silverman
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I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white.
Sarah Silverman