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Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

Sarah Silverman

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Sarah Silverman
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: December 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Bedford
New Hampshire
Sarah Kate Silverman
Masturbating
Stop
Almost
Forget

More quotes by Sarah Silverman

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Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.
Sarah Silverman
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I think fake boobs have done great things for real boobs. I think people finally appreciate real boobs. People like real boobs. I do. I also enjoy the fact that they are life-nourishers.
Sarah Silverman
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I love children. I'm embarrassingly baby-crazy.
Sarah Silverman
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Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.
Sarah Silverman
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I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.
Sarah Silverman
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I never want to be in a position where I have to defend my material. It's too subjective. It's for other people to defend or not defend.
Sarah Silverman
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The audience works as such a mob. They either all laugh or all don't laugh, and, you know, changes from audience to audience.
Sarah Silverman
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Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.
Sarah Silverman
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I dress normal because I want people to treat me regular. And their brains explode. It's really fun.
Sarah Silverman
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I think the difference between being miserable and finding happiness is just a matter of perspective. If you live your life defining yourself by what other people think of you, it's a form of self-torture.
Sarah Silverman
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Anything television trivia I'm good at. But when you're on your couch, you're really good at it, but when you're standing there, it's probably scary.
Sarah Silverman
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It's just hard to say, Well, I do this, which means this. If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's nothing for the audience to say.
Sarah Silverman
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Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.
Sarah Silverman
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I became known for surprising audiences. Except now, if I surprise them every time, they expect that.
Sarah Silverman
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The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17.
Sarah Silverman
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I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.
Sarah Silverman
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Like I said about Seinfeld and Chris Rock, they're a great combination of brilliance and hard work. [But] there are people who are brilliant and don't work hard, and there are people who are brilliant and sabotage themselves.
Sarah Silverman
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If I don't do stand-up for two weeks, I get freaked out.
Sarah Silverman
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I do love the idea of ritual.
Sarah Silverman
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There are so many great comedies, right now. I like how comedies are really mixing. They're not just one thing. It can be very moving and dramatic, and yet hilarious.
Sarah Silverman