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If I have kids, I'll adopt.

Sarah Silverman

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Sarah Silverman
Age: 53
Born: 1970
Born: December 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Bedford
New Hampshire
Sarah Kate Silverman
Adopt
Kids

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Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!
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Why would I become involved with something that doesn't include everyone? If you're getting married today, it's the equivalent of joining a country club that doesn't allow blacks or Jews.
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The good news is hopeful doesn't mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn't mean smart.
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I’ve always had dreams. When I was little, I’d go to sleep with my head on my hands, which were in fists like I was looking through a camera. I felt like sleep was the movies - just drifting off to the movies.
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Someone on Twitter sent me a page from a textbook. It had a picture of a football player next to a picture of me. The juxtaposition was meant to illustrate two meanings of offensive. Seriously. It broke my heart. It's that accepted what I do is offensive?
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I just think of myself as a comedian, really.
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People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power of that transcends, and reaches the audience.
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If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.
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People who like what I do come in all shapes and sizes. Not sure what the common denominator is per se. Oh, it's meeee! But to be embraced by a progressive community means something to me and this one feels like home.
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I know how to write. So I am not totally at the mercy of filmmakers, but it's not a bad point.
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I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.
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Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.
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If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.
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You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage.
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I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.
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I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by that's one freedom I have.
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I still have highs and lows, maybe I don't cry salty tears as much.
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I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, I want pussy! Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but he was talking about me!
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What makes Disney movies and Pixar movies always so good, hey take time and they're constantly honing, and tweaking, and rejiggering things, and taking influences from every cog, including myself, that can help. Any place where there can be inspiration. They make every moment very layered and very rich.
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I think Jews tend to hold me in fairly high regard.
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