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I didn't want to leave things the way we had, unresolved, ... and tried to tell myself he cared about me enough not to look elsewhere for what I wasn't giving him.
Sarah Dessen
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Sarah Dessen
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 6
Novelist
Writer
Evanston
Illinois
Giving
Tried
Way
Leave
Things
Wasn
Tell
Didn
Look
Unresolved
Looks
Cared
Enough
Elsewhere
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Maybe we were all destined to just keep doing the same stupid things, over and over again, never really learning a single thing.
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Pretend to be a delinquent? I asked clarifying. You can do it, Dave advised me. Just don't smile, and try to look like you're considering stealing something.
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Failing sucks. But it's better than the alternative. Which is? Not even trying. Now he did look at me, straight on. Life's short, you know?
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That was the hard thing about grief, and the grieving. They spoke another language, and the words we knew always fell short of what we wanted them to say.
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As if it didnt matter what was on, but instead how hard i was listening.
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And that was it. All this buildup to a great leap, and I didn't fall or fly. Instead I found myself back on the edge of the cliff, blinking, wondering if I'd ever jumped at all. It's not supposed to be like this.
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I'd chosen instead to just change my route, go miles out of the way, as if avoiding it would make it go away once and for all.
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The lizard stared up at us, and we stared back, taking each other in. He was little and defenseless, I felt sorry for him already. This was a screwed-up place he'd just come into. But he didn't have to know that. Not yet, anyway. There in that room, where it was hot and cramped, the world probably still seemed small enough to manage.
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Looking at the pond, all I could think was that it is an incredivle thing, how a whole world can rise from what seems like nothing at all.
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I wondered if he ever thought of me, and hated the pang I felt when I told myself he didn't.
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