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As if he was beating me to the punch, his words living forever, while I was left speechless, no rebuttal, no words left to say.
Sarah Dessen
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Sarah Dessen
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 6
Novelist
Writer
Evanston
Illinois
Speechless
Punch
Beating
Forever
Words
Living
Left
Rebuttal
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I just have to be super strong when it comes to my work time. Shut the browser, ignore the email alerts, and just WRITE.
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If this was my instinct talking, I didn‟t want to hear what it was saying.
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Wake up, Caitlin, Mr. Lensing had said. But what he didn't understand was that this dreamland was preferable, walking through this life half-sleeping, everything at arm's length or farther away.
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I'd been through so much, falling short again and again, and only recently had found a place where who I was, right now, was enough.
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That's not a real answer.' Says who?' Says me. I mean real fear, like of failure, of death, of regret. Like that. Something that keeps you awake nights, questioning your very existence.' Clowns.
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As if it didnt matter what was on, but instead how hard i was listening.
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closed my eyes and listened. It was like music I'd heard all my life, even more than This Lullaby. All those keystrokes, all those letters, so many words. I brushed my fingers over the beads and watched as her image rippled, like it was on water, breaking apart gently and shimmering before becoming whole again.
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I wasn't ready for this, but then I probably never would be, and this year, like so much else, wouldn't wait. I had no choice but to get out of my car, with everyone watching and begin in earnest, alone. So I did
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During the long stretches of quiet two-lane highway, with the sun setting in the distance, it was somehow easier to say things aloud, and regardless of what was said, we just kept moving toward that horizon.
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Your mother won a special reward, she told me, because everyone had a head in her pictures. We all applauded.
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Now I felt like I was drifting, sucked down by an undertow, and too far out to swim back to the shore.
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In midair, dangling lost above the world.
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Not for the first time, I wished both of us could just say what we meant. But that, like so much else, was impossible
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