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My sister, who never understood most of the things I wanted her to, might have been able to understand what had happened to me in this summer of weddings and beginnings. And she was right. The first boy was always the hardest.
Sarah Dessen
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Sarah Dessen
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 6
Novelist
Writer
Evanston
Illinois
Never
Able
Beginnings
Wanted
Sister
Might
Hardest
Firsts
Summer
First
Understood
Right
Boys
Always
Happened
Things
Understand
Weddings
More quotes by Sarah Dessen
I don't get it,' Caroline said, bemused. 'She's the only one with wings. Why is that?' There were so many questions in life. You couldn't ever have all the answers. But I knew this one. It's so she can fly,' I said. Then I started to run.
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I took his wildness from him and tried to fold it into myself, filling up the empty spaces all those second place finishes left behind.
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I was actually kind of a hot mess in high school. I did a lot of things in high school I'm not proud of. I wasn't a good student and I wasn't particularly a good daughter. I wasn't very engaged.
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I just can't ever be a free spirit and just relax. When it comes to work, this is good. I'm very disciplined, which with writing is often half the battle, or more. But it also means that if I want to, say, play hooky and chocolate and watch Bravo all afternoon, I feel horribly guilty. I wish I could find a nice balance.
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There's just something obvious about emptiness, even when you try to convince yourself otherwise.
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The way I see it, she continued, is that some things are just meant to be the way they are.
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I didn't want to leave things the way we had, unresolved, ... and tried to tell myself he cared about me enough not to look elsewhere for what I wasn't giving him.
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Then I'd crawl back into bed, smelling her all around me, and tell myself that next time, I would lock that window. But I never did.
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I wondered which was harder, in the end. The act of telling, or who you told it to. Or maybe if, when you finally got it out, the story was really all that mattered.
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I just have to be super strong when it comes to my work time. Shut the browser, ignore the email alerts, and just WRITE.
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I mean, it's not surprising, really. Once you love something, you always love it in some way. You have to. It's, like, part of you for good.
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I think as a writer one of the benefits is that you can put things that you're interested in into your books. I always have put a lot of food and restaurants because I was a waitress and I love to eat.
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Because you have to just go with the flow. Your life is not your own, with people coming in and out all the time. You get mellow because you have to.
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So I just decided to relax into it, bumpy and crazy as it might be, and try for once to just go along for the ride.
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It's a choice, Annabel. And if you make the wrong one, you have only yourself to blame when there are consequences.
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If this was my forever, I wouldn't want to spend it here.
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Like a word on a page that you’ve printed and read a million times, that suddenly looks strange or wrong, foreign. And you feel scared for a second, like you’ve lost something, even if you’re not sure what it is.
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I knew this feeling, the 2 a.m. loneliness that I'd practically invented.
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The further you go, the more you have to be proud of. At the same time, in order to come a long way, you have to be behind to begin with. IN the end, though maybe it's not how you reach a place that matters. Just that you get there at all.
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But it was too early to know: there were always more pages to go, more words to be written, before the story was over.
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