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Wake up, Caitlin, Mr. Lensing had said. But what he didn't understand was that this dreamland was preferable, walking through this life half-sleeping, everything at arm's length or farther away.
Sarah Dessen
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Sarah Dessen
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 6
Novelist
Writer
Evanston
Illinois
Half
Farther
Away
Sleeping
Didn
Length
Everything
Wake
Life
Walking
Arms
Stand
Dreamland
Sleep
Preferable
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From up above, in a plane passing over, you’d just see one little light in all this dark, with no idea of the lives that were being lived within it, and in the house beside, and beside that one. So much happening in the world, night and day, hour by hour. It was no wonder we were meant to sleep, if only to check out of it for a little while.
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Some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic.
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This was always the problem with my mother and me, I suddenly realized. There were so many things we thought we agreed on, but anythign can have two meanings. Like sides of a coin, it just matters how it falls.
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You should have seen your face, she said, her breath hot in my ear. Sa-woooon.
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Never would forever, with all its meanings, be so clear and distinct as in the true, guaranteed end of the world.
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It was like reaching for someone's hand, then missing their fingers, or even their arm, and hitting their shoulder instead. But no matter. You hang on tight anyway.
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So this had been all I wanted, a boy who understood how I felt. Now, though, I sometimes wished for more.
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…You don’t want the best of times to be just one thing, forever. You have to have a lot of bests of times, each one topping the last. You know?
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Maybe we were all destined to just keep doing the same stupid things, over and over again, never really learning a single thing.
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That's not a real answer.' Says who?' Says me. I mean real fear, like of failure, of death, of regret. Like that. Something that keeps you awake nights, questioning your very existence.' Clowns.
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Pieces and parts were always easier to process. The full picture, the entire story, was another thing entirely. But you just never knew. Sometimes, people could surprise you.
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Once, I was easy. Now, I was choosy. See? Big difference.
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But unfriendly is usually one of those things you pick up on right away. You know, like B.O. There's no hiding it if it's there.
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Pretend to be a delinquent? I asked clarifying. You can do it, Dave advised me. Just don't smile, and try to look like you're considering stealing something.
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It's true. It's like the hidden secret that no one tells you. we can all be beautiful girls, Colie. it's so easy. it's like Dorothy clicking her heels to go home. You could do it all along.
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As if he was beating me to the punch, his words living forever, while I was left speechless, no rebuttal, no words left to say.
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But you only get so many do-overs in this life, so many chances to, if not change your past, alter your future.
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