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Silence is so freaking loud

Sarah Dessen

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Sarah Dessen
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 6
Novelist
Writer
Evanston
Illinois
Loud
Silence
Inspirational
Freaking

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Times like this it did seem real I was leaving, and even more that my family, and this life, would go on without me. And again I felt that emptiness rise up, but pushed it away. Still, I lingered there, in the doorway, memorizing the noise. The moment. Tucking it away out of sight, to be remembered when I needed it most.
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Pieces and parts were always easier to process. The full picture, the entire story, was another thing entirely. But you just never knew. Sometimes, people could surprise you.
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Whether it was a song, a person, or a story, there was a lot you couldn’t know from just an excerpt, a glance, or part of a chorus.
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I mean, it's not surprising, really. Once you love something, you always love it in some way. You have to. It's, like, part of you for good.
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Because the truth sometimes hurts, I said. Yeah, he said. So do lies, though.
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Maybe I'd just figured out there were some things you were better off not knowing
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You can never be sure of anyone until you're close enough to see them clearly.
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You couldn't just pick and choose at will when someone depended on you, or loved you. It wasn't like a light switch, easy to turn on or off. If you were in, you were in. Out, you were out.
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Because maybe, the best of times were yet to come. You never knew.
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But I saw Blake earlier and he said he and Nate were taking off for an overnight business thing. So... ... you're just going to jump their fence and their pool, I finished for her. Silence. Then Jamie said, It's twenty-five degrees! In December! Do you know what this means? The apocalypse?
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After everything that happened, how could I miss him? But I did, I did.
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And trying to break it down this way, to minor and major offenses, maybes and what-ifs, was like arguing over the origin of cracks in a broken egg. It was done. How it happened didn't matter anymore.
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In school, writing was the only thing that really came naturally to me, but it wasn't until college that I realized that I could do it for more than just fun.
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It was as familiar to me as a song I'd been hearing my whole life, covered by various people but the basic tune the same.
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This is personal, she'd said. Real. This moment was too, even if you couldn't see it at first glance. It was fake on the outside, but so true within. You only had to look, really look to tell.
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