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Remy: Did you really believe, that first day, that we were meant to be together? Dexter: You're here, aren't you?
Sarah Dessen
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Sarah Dessen
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: June 6
Novelist
Writer
Evanston
Illinois
Believe
Remy
Really
Dexter
Lullaby
Meant
Aren
Together
Firsts
First
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n the dark everyone felt the same: the edges blurred. When I think of myself then, what I was like two years ago, I feel like a wound in a bad place, prone to be bumped on corners or edges. Never able to heal.
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This was always the problem with my mother and me, I suddenly realized. There were so many things we thought we agreed on, but anythign can have two meanings. Like sides of a coin, it just matters how it falls.
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For two hours I'd felt myself stretching tighter and tighter, like a rubber band pulled to the point of snapping. And now, I could feel the smaller, weaker part of myself beginning to fray, tiny bits giving way before the big break.
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But the original was there as well—more jaded and rudimentary, functional rather than romantic. It fit not just the yellow house but another door, deep within my own heart. One that had been locked so tight for so long that I was afraid to even try it for fear of what might be on the other side
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Like it takes so little not only to change something, but to make you forget the way it once was, as well.
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Oh darling, don't be bitter. It's the first instinct of the weak.
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I'd been convinced I was on the outside, but really, I'd always been within arm's reach. All I had to do was ask, and I, too, would be easily brought back, surrounded and immersed, finding myself safe, somewhere in between.
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But risk is just part of relationships. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.
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Pretend to be a delinquent? I asked clarifying. You can do it, Dave advised me. Just don't smile, and try to look like you're considering stealing something.
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I was actually kind of a hot mess in high school. I did a lot of things in high school I'm not proud of. I wasn't a good student and I wasn't particularly a good daughter. I wasn't very engaged.
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It wasn't about being happy or unhappy. I just didn't want to be me anymore.
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I always say that teenagers are the first to know if you're pandering to them.
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