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Honey, I plan to marry you the moment the ink is dry on that death certificate.

Sara Gruen

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Sara Gruen
Age: 56
Born: 1969
Born: January 1
Author
Novelist
Writer
Vancouver
British Columbia
Moments
Ink
Dry
Marry
Honey
Plan
Plans
Moment
Certificate
Death
Certificates

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Although there are times I'd give anything to have her back, I'm glad she went first. Losing her was like being cleft down the middle. It was the moment it all ended for me, and I wouldn't have wanted her to go through that.
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Even when I look straight into the milky blue eyes I can't find myself any more. When did I stop being me?
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The only thing that makes me crazier than writing is not writing.
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But it all zipped by. One minute Marlena and I were up to our eyeballs, and the next thing we knew the kids were borrowing the car and fleeing the coop for college. And now, here I am. In my nineties and alone.
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I scan the room. Catherine is writing quickly, her light brown hair falling over her face. She is left-handed, and because she writes in pencil her left arm is silver from wrist to elbow.
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I roll onto my side and stare out the venetian blinds at the blue sky beyond. After a few minutes I'm lulled into a sort of peace. The sky, the sky--same as it always was.
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I am further back, surrounded on all sides by wailing men, their faces shiny with tears. Uncle Al promised three dollars and a bottle of Canadian whiskey to the man who puts on the best show. You've never seen such grief-- even the dogs were howling.
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Sometimes I think if I had to choose between an ear of corn or making love to a woman, I'd choose the corn.
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Keeping up the appearance of having all your marbles is hard work, but important.
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Life is the most spectacular show on earth.
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Dear God. Not only am I unemployed and homeless, but I also have a pregnant woman, bereaved dog, elephant, and eleven horses to take care of.
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Then I lie down on the horse blanket and drift into a dream about Marlena that will probably cost me my soul.
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I want her to melt into me, like butter on toast. I want to absorb her and walk around for the rest of my days with her encased in my skin. I want.
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Even as your body betrays you, your mind denies it.
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Don't want to get tipsy and break a hip.
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Must protect my little pockets of happiness.
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Being the survivor stinks.
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I have to convince myself that this is not a pointless life, even the body is telling me so.
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I'm truly grateful for my microwave, which allows me to easily clarify butter, steam vegetables, and - when I am really lazy - feed my three kids in less than five minutes.
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Jacob: I've never seen so much manure. Wade: Baggage stock horses. They pack'em in 27 a car. Jacob: how do you stand the smell? Wade: what smell?
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