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I think there are always different times in your life when you go, Oh, god. I wish I were traditionally pretty. My life would be so much easier. But then you get through that, and you go, Well, I'm not.

Sandra Bernhard

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Sandra Bernhard
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: June 6
Comedian
Film Actor
Singer
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Flint
Michigan
Think
Times
Thinking
Wish
Life
Wells
Well
Different
Much
Traditionally
Always
Easier
Would
Pretty

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I'm the only actress in Hollywood who didn't pay to have these lips.
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When you have a knowledge of history, it's very soothing. When there's continuity in your life, it's soothing.
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If you want to dig, if you want to pry, do it on your time, but I'm going to be a woman of dignity.
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I try to avoid people's eyes because I don't like to get that intimate with just anybody. i don't need the responsibility.
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Kids need to be educated about sex and sexuality and if they're going to have sex, learn how to protect themselves and not get pregnant.
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I am always hoping to do another CD. This atmosphere has been difficult.
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At no time do I come from a cynical point of view. I'm coming from a concerned point of view.
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It's usually a spiritual thing that's preventing somebody from having happiness.
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My father was a proctologist and my mother was an abstract artist, so that's how I view the world.
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There's this whole sense of judgment and who's right and who's wrong and who's moral and who's going to be punished.
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I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.
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A remembrance can mean nothing to the one remembered it can only remind the ones left behind how little they did while you were still alive.
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I've become this sort of icon for the gay community. I don't like the position.
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I would never wanna do a show that's strictly maudlin and invaded my personal life and my home. I would never do that.
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When I was really little, I was skinny and people laughed at me for being skinny, so, we all pay our dues for the bodies we're in one way or another. But thank god I haven't needed to alter it to feel good about myself.
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Lots of people think that bisexual means cowardly lesbian.
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Purim, one of my favorite holidays. It's like the original drag queen's holiday. It's when all the Jewish men go for it and feel no guilt for a change.
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I think everybody is covering their [posteriors] with the Enron scandal and it was very convenient that Sept. 11 came along to deflect the fact that they should never have been in the White House in the first place. What happened in the election was completely corrupt.
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On one side you have book burners, Congressional wives and Pat Robertson. On the other side, you have vulgar comedians, foul-mouthed rap groups and Dennis Hopper—all your choices should be so easy.
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The live show is different from the album. It's different every night depending on where I am and how many months have gone by since I last performed.
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