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When I came home and showed my mother my report card with a mark of 98 in arithmetic, she wanted to know who had gotten the other two points.

Sam Levenson

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Sam Levenson
Age: 68 †
Born: 1911
Born: December 28
Died: 1980
Died: August 27
Humorist
Journalist
Writer
New York City
New York
Samuel Levenson
Wanted
Points
Gotten
Cards
Arithmetic
Mark
Assessment
Came
Report
Mother
Card
Two
Showed
Home
Reports

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The high IQ has become the American equivalent of the Legion of Honor, positive proof of a child's intellectual aristocracy.... It has become more important to be a smart kid than a good kid or even a healthy kid.
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The American success formula is first to get a home of your own, then to get a car of your own so you don't have to stay in that home of your own.
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The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
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Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is we'll find it.
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It's not the sugar that makes the tea sweet, but the stirring.
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If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.
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When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?
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The Puritans came to America to worship in their way and to force everybody else to do the same thing.
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Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
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Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.
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It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.
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Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village
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I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!
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You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.
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The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV.
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Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.
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Don't watch the clock do what it does. Keep going.
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It would be useless to bomb Washington. If you destroy one building, they already have two other buildings completely staffed with people doing exactly the same thing.
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You don't have to be in Who's Who to know what's what.
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Democracy means doing whatever you want without asking permission of anybody but your boss, your doctor, your lawyer, your landlord, your bank, your city, your state and federal authorities, and your wife and children.
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