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The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!

Sam Kinison

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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Bring
Pussy
Space
Russians
Back
Flag
Really
Flags
Impress
Havens
Haven
Moon
Pussies

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Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
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It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
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I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
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You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
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I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
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There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
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In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.
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You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?
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So many of these comics are just frustrated singers or actors - they want to get a gig doing a sitcom. It's paint-by-the-numbers comedy, lame joke-telling. They're drawn to it as a career move.
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I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
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It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
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I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.
Sam Kinison
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You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.
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If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.
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I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
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Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
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When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
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I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.
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I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
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