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Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!

Sam Kinison

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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Came
Guy
Read
Jesus
Didn
Scare
Back
Tough
Ever
Dead
Life
Everybody

More quotes by Sam Kinison

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I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
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I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
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Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid.
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You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
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Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
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What happened? Satan was busy?
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My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
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There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
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Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
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I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.
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It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
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So many of these comics are just frustrated singers or actors - they want to get a gig doing a sitcom. It's paint-by-the-numbers comedy, lame joke-telling. They're drawn to it as a career move.
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How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?
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The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!
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I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
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It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
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I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.
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So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
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In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.
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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
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