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Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!

Sam Kinison

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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Ever
Dead
Life
Everybody
Came
Guy
Read
Jesus
Didn
Scare
Back
Tough

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I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
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I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
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I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
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Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.
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Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
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When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
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It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
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You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?
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My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
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You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
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There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
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Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
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In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.
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The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!
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If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.
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Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
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So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
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I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
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It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
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