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If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.

Sam Kinison

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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Thing
Lies
Learned
Lying
Tell
Keep
Truth
Together

More quotes by Sam Kinison

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There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
Sam Kinison
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So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
Sam Kinison
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It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
Sam Kinison
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Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
Sam Kinison
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My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
Sam Kinison
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Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.
Sam Kinison
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In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.
Sam Kinison
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I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
Sam Kinison
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It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
Sam Kinison
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When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
Sam Kinison
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John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
Sam Kinison
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You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
Sam Kinison
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Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid.
Sam Kinison
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You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.
Sam Kinison
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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
Sam Kinison
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The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!
Sam Kinison
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I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.
Sam Kinison
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You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?
Sam Kinison
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How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?
Sam Kinison
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I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
Sam Kinison