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I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
Sam Kinison
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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Much
Comedy
Would
Week
Called
Detox
Friends
Thirteen
Funny
Grand
Three
Weeks
Problem
Center
Come
Cost
More quotes by Sam Kinison
How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?
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I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
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So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
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I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.
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Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
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You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?
Sam Kinison
Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
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I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.
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I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.
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It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
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If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.
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I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
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You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.
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I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
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Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
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What happened? Satan was busy?
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The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!
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I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
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There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
Sam Kinison