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I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
Sam Kinison
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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Funny
Grand
Three
Weeks
Problem
Center
Come
Cost
Much
Comedy
Would
Week
Called
Detox
Friends
Thirteen
More quotes by Sam Kinison
I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.
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What happened? Satan was busy?
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I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
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It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
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I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.
Sam Kinison
You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?
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Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid.
Sam Kinison
You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.
Sam Kinison
There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
Sam Kinison
My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
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How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?
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Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
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John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
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Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
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In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.
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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
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If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.
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So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
Sam Kinison
I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.
Sam Kinison
It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
Sam Kinison