Quote

I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.

Sam Kinison

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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Funny
Grand
Three
Weeks
Problem
Center
Come
Cost
Much
Comedy
Would
Week
Called
Detox
Friends
Thirteen

More quotes by Sam Kinison

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Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
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I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.
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You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
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I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
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I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
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Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!
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So many of these comics are just frustrated singers or actors - they want to get a gig doing a sitcom. It's paint-by-the-numbers comedy, lame joke-telling. They're drawn to it as a career move.
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Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
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John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
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How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?
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You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?
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So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
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It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
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I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
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You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.
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Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.
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I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
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I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.
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My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
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