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I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.

Sam Kinison

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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Thing
Miss
Going
Lived
Life
Missing
View
Views
Carnal
Heaven
Screwed
Next
Inches
Two
Paying

More quotes by Sam Kinison

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It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
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When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
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I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
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I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
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It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
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John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
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So many of these comics are just frustrated singers or actors - they want to get a gig doing a sitcom. It's paint-by-the-numbers comedy, lame joke-telling. They're drawn to it as a career move.
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I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
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Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
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You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?
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Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.
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There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
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My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
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Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
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You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
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Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
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If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.
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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
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Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid.
Sam Kinison
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What happened? Satan was busy?
Sam Kinison