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My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!

Sam Kinison

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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Heaven
Two
Going
Life
Inches
Miss
Missing
View
Views

More quotes by Sam Kinison

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If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.
Sam Kinison
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You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.
Sam Kinison
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There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
Sam Kinison
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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
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What happened? Satan was busy?
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I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
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Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
Sam Kinison
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In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.
Sam Kinison
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Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!
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So many of these comics are just frustrated singers or actors - they want to get a gig doing a sitcom. It's paint-by-the-numbers comedy, lame joke-telling. They're drawn to it as a career move.
Sam Kinison
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How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?
Sam Kinison
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So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
Sam Kinison
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I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
Sam Kinison
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I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.
Sam Kinison
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I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.
Sam Kinison
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You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
Sam Kinison
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John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
Sam Kinison
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Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
Sam Kinison
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I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
Sam Kinison
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It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
Sam Kinison