Quote

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'

Sam Kinison

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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Water
Jesus
Stills
Thumbing
Still
Slide
Going
Slides
Bible
Build
Heaven

More quotes by Sam Kinison

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There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
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I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
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It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
Sam Kinison
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How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?
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I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
Sam Kinison
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I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.
Sam Kinison
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Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
Sam Kinison
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In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.
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I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.
Sam Kinison
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Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid.
Sam Kinison
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I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
Sam Kinison
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The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!
Sam Kinison
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I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
Sam Kinison
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You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.
Sam Kinison
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So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
Sam Kinison
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You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?
Sam Kinison
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John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
Sam Kinison
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When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
Sam Kinison
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My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
Sam Kinison
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Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
Sam Kinison