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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
Sam Kinison
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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Going
Slides
Bible
Build
Heaven
Water
Jesus
Stills
Thumbing
Still
Slide
More quotes by Sam Kinison
You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
Sam Kinison
Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.
Sam Kinison
There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
Sam Kinison
It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
Sam Kinison
It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
Sam Kinison
I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
Sam Kinison
If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.
Sam Kinison
John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
Sam Kinison
So many of these comics are just frustrated singers or actors - they want to get a gig doing a sitcom. It's paint-by-the-numbers comedy, lame joke-telling. They're drawn to it as a career move.
Sam Kinison
I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
Sam Kinison
You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.
Sam Kinison
Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
Sam Kinison
Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!
Sam Kinison
My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
Sam Kinison
I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
Sam Kinison
I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.
Sam Kinison
In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.
Sam Kinison
Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
Sam Kinison
I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
Sam Kinison
So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
Sam Kinison
