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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'

Sam Kinison

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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Build
Heaven
Water
Jesus
Stills
Thumbing
Still
Slide
Going
Slides
Bible

More quotes by Sam Kinison

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Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
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Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
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It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
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I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
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What happened? Satan was busy?
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Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn't scare the F- out of everybody!
Sam Kinison
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You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?
Sam Kinison
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You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
Sam Kinison
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I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.
Sam Kinison
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I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock n roll and ex-wives. In that order.
Sam Kinison
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When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
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You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.
Sam Kinison
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John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
Sam Kinison
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The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!
Sam Kinison
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I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
Sam Kinison
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There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
Sam Kinison
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In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.
Sam Kinison
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My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
Sam Kinison
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I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
Sam Kinison
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So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
Sam Kinison