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Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
Sam Kinison
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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Still
Slide
Going
Slides
Bible
Build
Heaven
Water
Jesus
Stills
Thumbing
More quotes by Sam Kinison
I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
Sam Kinison
John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
Sam Kinison
I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
Sam Kinison
Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
Sam Kinison
You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
Sam Kinison
I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
Sam Kinison
I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.
Sam Kinison
You gotta keep falling in love. You gotta believe in it. What are you going to do... give sheep the vote?
Sam Kinison
When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
Sam Kinison
It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
Sam Kinison
Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.
Sam Kinison
Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
Sam Kinison
I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
Sam Kinison
My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
Sam Kinison
If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.
Sam Kinison
How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?
Sam Kinison
The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!
Sam Kinison
What happened? Satan was busy?
Sam Kinison
So many people counted on me to be the party, I had to move far enough away that they wouldn't want to drive there.
Sam Kinison
Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid.
Sam Kinison
