Quote

Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'

Sam Kinison

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Sam Kinison
Age: 38 †
Born: 1953
Born: December 8
Died: 1992
Died: April 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Preacher
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Yakima
Washington
Samuel Burl Kinison
Stills
Thumbing
Still
Slide
Going
Slides
Bible
Build
Heaven
Water
Jesus

More quotes by Sam Kinison

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I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
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I don't deny my life-style is occasionally pretty wild.
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When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
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I'd rather entertain people than offend them.
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My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
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It occurred to me that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would MOVE WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!
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John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike.
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Ive never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
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I have lived a carnal life. My view of life is 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!' I don't have to go through the thing of paying for it in the next life. I know I'm screwed in the next life.
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Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
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I want to show people that there's a side of myself other than just the outrageous comedian.
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The Russians haven't been to the moon. You know why? Because they're space pussies... You really want to impress us? Bring us back our FLAG!
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I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
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If I've learned one thing, it's 'don't tell the truth.' Lies keep you together.
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Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
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You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pay your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
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There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
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What happened? Satan was busy?
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How does a guy look at another guy's hairy ass, and find love?
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I'm responsible. I even did a commercial for MTV saying how I was going to register to vote. And I still haven't.
Sam Kinison