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I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.
Roseanne Barr
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Roseanne Barr
Age: 71
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Feel
Quitting
Feels
Smoking
Beer
Smell
Drink
Cans
House
Laying
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Quit
More quotes by Roseanne Barr
When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying.
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Your body is your instrument, you play it expertly.
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You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.
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Impeach the President and the Vice President, they are traitors to America, and so are all of their supporters. Impeach! Anyone in congress who refuses to save our union from these traitors by doing nothing needs to be recalled.
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I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around.
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Nobody wanted the Roseanne show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family.
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Everything on this earth right now is about labor and slavery. War is the only American export left that anyone wants to buy.
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I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.
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My husband says, 'God, Roseanne, I can't remember the last time we had sex.' Well, I can, and that is why we ain't doing it.
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It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here.
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I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference.
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I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology.
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A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer.
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I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them.
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Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
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I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
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To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it's a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write - but only for about ten minutes.
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The basic thing is, people want to get paid, so they'll say the things that get them paid, in entertainment or politics.
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You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park.
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I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.
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