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I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.
Roseanne Barr
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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Around
Safer
Better
Quit
Feel
Quitting
Feels
Smoking
Beer
Smell
Drink
Cans
House
Laying
More quotes by Roseanne Barr
It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here.
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There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.
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Your body is your instrument, you play it expertly.
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I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three.
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Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians.
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I like to get people talking. I am a provocateur, and I do like getting on Twitter and riling people up. You know what, after a while some sane dialogue and sane conclusions come of that kind of thing.
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Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.
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I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.
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After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.
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I've never done anything for money, and that is why I got money. When you do stuff for money, you never get money.
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My family were hitters. If you made them laugh, they didn't hit you. My dad wouldn't hit me if I got him with humor right between the eyes.
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Everything on this earth right now is about labor and slavery. War is the only American export left that anyone wants to buy.
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We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.
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Oh, hi. I been married thirteen years, and lemme tell you, it's a thrill to be out of the house. I never get out of the house. I stay home all the time. I never do anything fun 'cause I'm a housewife. I hate the word housewife. I prefer to be called domestic goddess.
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I call myself a 'domestic goddess.
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I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.
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Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house.
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I like facts and data because they help me think clearly, beyond the cultural messages that I ingest unwittingly, and sometimes find myself regurgitating almost unconsciously.
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As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
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Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.
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