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I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

Roseanne Barr

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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Drink
Cans
House
Laying
Around
Safer
Better
Quit
Feel
Quitting
Feels
Smoking
Beer
Smell

More quotes by Roseanne Barr

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Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians.
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My husband is almost as heavy as I am. We were married in adjoining churches.
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I'm just into spirituality. I believe that in a previous life I used to be Shirley MacLaine.
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We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.
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I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.
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I first would allow the guilty bankers to pay, you know, the ability to pay back anything over $100 million [of] personal wealth because I believe in a maximum wage of $100 million. And if they are unable to live on that amount of that amount then they should, you know, go to the reeducation camps and if that doesn't help, then being beheaded.
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After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.
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I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.
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I have horrible stage fright - you know how you go through the bi-polar stage fright thing? Then you go on drugs to get over the stage fright and perform, but then you're not funny at all.
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I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference.
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Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness ... it's just been a really great thing in my life.
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I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around.
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There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind.
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I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny.
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I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
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The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.
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I didn't know that being in a relationship meant you had to be nice. I thought it meant you had to hack away at the other person until they were beaten down and then were too afraid to leave.
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I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.
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I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.
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Who's elk horn do I have to blow in order to get something to eat around here?
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