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I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.

Roseanne Barr

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Roseanne Barr
Age: 71
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Widow
Widows
Divorce
Upset

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They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts!
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I have horrible stage fright - you know how you go through the bi-polar stage fright thing? Then you go on drugs to get over the stage fright and perform, but then you're not funny at all.
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If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.
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We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.
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Somewhere within the concept of justice, the worst of the guilty must always be removed. I cannot divorce this, not completely. The people must have justice and so I want to reinstate and enshrine the blessed and holy guillotine!
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I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.
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Most of the books call Her a He, but I am able to ascertain what is meant, despite that semantic error.
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There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.
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This bugs me the worst. That's when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. He comes in: Hey, Roseanne! Roseanne! Do we have any Cheetos left? Like he can't go over and lift up the sofa cushion himself.
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In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.
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I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great.
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The basic thing is, people want to get paid, so they'll say the things that get them paid, in entertainment or politics.
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I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.
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I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.
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Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact.
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'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.
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Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.
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I have great parents, and they both taught me great things, but my formative years were boundaryless.
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I'm so much more famous than I am financially successful.
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I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.
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