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You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

Roseanne Barr

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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Dream
Couch
May
Couches
Years
Fourteen
Men
Ladies
Marry
Later
Married
Dreams

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Who's elk horn do I have to blow in order to get something to eat around here?
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Being hated and hunted and blamed for your own suffering makes people kind of testy, nervous, and on edge, and often fundamentalist and extreme. Bombs get thrown only when people cannot honestly talk together.
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Adults in a free country should be able to smoke a joint if they want to.
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My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
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One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.
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I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.
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US needs to fix up it's election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed.
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I call myself a 'domestic goddess.
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I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.
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'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.
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My grandmother ... came here, not only like so many others because of the streets 'being paved with gold' and all, but because she wanted to leave the place where the streets were paved with people who had not gone to America.
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politics and religion in the United States work like the twin grips of a pair of pliers on a critical mass of the masses.
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There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.
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Everything on this earth right now is about labor and slavery. War is the only American export left that anyone wants to buy.
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A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer.
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I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great.
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I have great parents, and they both taught me great things, but my formative years were boundaryless.
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The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.
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We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.
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There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind.
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