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I don't really want to hang out with politicians. I'd rather go straight to hell, and not collect $200.

Roseanne Barr

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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Hell
Rather
Really
Collect
Hang
Politicians
Straight
Politician

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I call myself a 'domestic goddess.
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You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park.
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There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.
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I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.
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I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.
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A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer.
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If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.
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Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too.
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politics and religion in the United States work like the twin grips of a pair of pliers on a critical mass of the masses.
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Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it.
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Illiteracy is a huge problem in America. One in three adults in our country is illiterate.
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There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.
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Laugh every day as much as you can.
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The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment Roseanne dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!
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two things do me in: one's chocolate cake, the other's hypocrisy.
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I want to be the girl in Indiana Jones. I would love to do an adventure movie where I was saving the world. It might be cool if I used a lot of kitchen tools to fight off the enemy.
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After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.
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I simply care nothing for any of your religions, as all three are fundamentally flawed, unlike the Church of Common Sense, right from the start! They call God he instead of she and all three would like to burn me at the stake for saying that!
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I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.
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Your body is your instrument, you play it expertly.
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