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I have great parents, and they both taught me great things, but my formative years were boundaryless.
Roseanne Barr
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Roseanne Barr
Age: 71
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Years
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Formative
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Excuse the mess but we live here.
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My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.
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The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment Roseanne dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!
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The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.
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Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey.
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I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.
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The basic thing is, people want to get paid, so they'll say the things that get them paid, in entertainment or politics.
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You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park.
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TV family sitcoms have always been about fathers who know best and mothers who are so enchanted with everything they do. I wanted to be the first mom to be a mom on TV. I wanted to sent out a message about how us women really feel.
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Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too.
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I hate alcoholics and AA (alcoholics anonymous). If you can't drink responsibly, don't drink at all. Don't go to meetings, whine about your character flaws and blame the fact that you are a sociopath on booze.
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I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.
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I don't really want to hang out with politicians. I'd rather go straight to hell, and not collect $200.
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It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here.
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I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.
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I like facts and data because they help me think clearly, beyond the cultural messages that I ingest unwittingly, and sometimes find myself regurgitating almost unconsciously.
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I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference.
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My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
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We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.
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I think I should be here alone to rethink the world, I do. I want these lesser humans gone.
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