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A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.
Roseanne Barr
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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
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Happen
Guy
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Happens
Women
Doughnut
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Lump
Men
Lumps
More quotes by Roseanne Barr
We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.
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You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.
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The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment Roseanne dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!
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In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.
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Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness ... it's just been a really great thing in my life.
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The basic thing is, people want to get paid, so they'll say the things that get them paid, in entertainment or politics.
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My husband is almost as heavy as I am. We were married in adjoining churches.
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Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil.
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There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.
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I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology.
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Meditation state is a place of deep relaxation where you can pinpoint the things you do and to set a paradigm switch from effect to cause. So how to be a cause in your own life.
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I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around.
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There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind.
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When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying.
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My dad taught me swears when I was a toddler, and I saw, at a really early age, that if I shocked people, I would get approval, and it made my arms itch with glee. I got addicted to it. It became this source of power in a totally powerless life.
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Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.
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Your body is your instrument, you play it expertly.
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I call myself a 'domestic goddess.
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Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too.
Roseanne Barr
