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'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.

Roseanne Barr

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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Power
Hollywood
Mean
Failing
Winning
Peaking
Everyone
Complimentary
Means
Smoked
Money
Salmon
Around
Pizza
Also
Fails

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Oh, hi. I been married thirteen years, and lemme tell you, it's a thrill to be out of the house. I never get out of the house. I stay home all the time. I never do anything fun 'cause I'm a housewife. I hate the word housewife. I prefer to be called domestic goddess.
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I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.
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We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.
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The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment Roseanne dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!
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Everything on this earth right now is about labor and slavery. War is the only American export left that anyone wants to buy.
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I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.
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I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.
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You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there.
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My kids were completely out of control, while I was working fifteen hours a day plus weekends. I screamed a lot, something I'm not particularly proud of, but it was that or firearms.
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I don't really want to hang out with politicians. I'd rather go straight to hell, and not collect $200.
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You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.'
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There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind.
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You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park.
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I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That's what we're supposed to do. But I not only ask the questions, I offer solutions.
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There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.
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I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.
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Legalize hemp and allow women to grow it and make food, clothing and housing for pennies from it and legalize marijuana too. Let women integrate their divided consciousness with a natural herb instead of doctors' pills that kill the liver.
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A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer.
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