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I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three.

Roseanne Barr

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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Going
Never
Would
California
Think
Strikes
Thinking
Prison
Married
Three
Trying

More quotes by Roseanne Barr

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I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.
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I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.
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As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
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Your body is your instrument, you play it expertly.
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Being hated and hunted and blamed for your own suffering makes people kind of testy, nervous, and on edge, and often fundamentalist and extreme. Bombs get thrown only when people cannot honestly talk together.
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Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
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If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.
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In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.
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You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.
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I have great parents, and they both taught me great things, but my formative years were boundaryless.
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Illiteracy is a huge problem in America. One in three adults in our country is illiterate.
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A lot of people in television who've had successful shows claim the 'Roseanne' show as their starting place, and I'm really proud of that.
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I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.
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I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?'
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I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny.
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You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.'
Roseanne Barr
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The only options open for girls then were of course mother, secretary or teacher. At least that's what we all thought and were preparing ourselves for. Now, I must say how lucky we are, as women, to live in an age where 'Dental Hygienist' has been added to the list.
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Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians.
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I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.
Roseanne Barr
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I like facts and data because they help me think clearly, beyond the cultural messages that I ingest unwittingly, and sometimes find myself regurgitating almost unconsciously.
Roseanne Barr