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I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference.

Roseanne Barr

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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Mentally
Jewish
Ill
Difference
Differences
Either
Tell
Sometimes

More quotes by Roseanne Barr

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Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.
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A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.
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I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.
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You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there.
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I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.
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I want to be the girl in Indiana Jones. I would love to do an adventure movie where I was saving the world. It might be cool if I used a lot of kitchen tools to fight off the enemy.
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My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
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I first would allow the guilty bankers to pay, you know, the ability to pay back anything over $100 million [of] personal wealth because I believe in a maximum wage of $100 million. And if they are unable to live on that amount of that amount then they should, you know, go to the reeducation camps and if that doesn't help, then being beheaded.
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Excuse the mess but we live here.
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My family were hitters. If you made them laugh, they didn't hit you. My dad wouldn't hit me if I got him with humor right between the eyes.
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Truth is available to the ears that can hear it.
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In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.
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If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.
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I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah.
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I meditate so I know how to find a peaceful place within to be calm and peaceful.
Roseanne Barr
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I had one kid with the birth control pill, I had one with the diaphram and I had one with the I.U.D. I don't even know what happened with my I.U.D. It never came out. But I have my suspicions because that kid picks up HBO.
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I avoided reality for most of my life. But once you deal with it, it's kind of cool.
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The only options open for girls then were of course mother, secretary or teacher. At least that's what we all thought and were preparing ourselves for. Now, I must say how lucky we are, as women, to live in an age where 'Dental Hygienist' has been added to the list.
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TV family sitcoms have always been about fathers who know best and mothers who are so enchanted with everything they do. I wanted to be the first mom to be a mom on TV. I wanted to sent out a message about how us women really feel.
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I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.
Roseanne Barr