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My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
Roseanne Barr
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Roseanne Barr
Age: 71
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Suicide
Sign
Husband
Marriage
Pact
Didn
Suicidal
Women
Signed
Agreement
Mutual
More quotes by Roseanne Barr
I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.
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My grandmother ... came here, not only like so many others because of the streets 'being paved with gold' and all, but because she wanted to leave the place where the streets were paved with people who had not gone to America.
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When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying.
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Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of show business.
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You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park.
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Laugh every day as much as you can.
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Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
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My kids were completely out of control, while I was working fifteen hours a day plus weekends. I screamed a lot, something I'm not particularly proud of, but it was that or firearms.
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Adults in a free country should be able to smoke a joint if they want to.
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'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.
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I always had a dissociative disorder. But I healed from it over the course of 14 years of big-time therapy. But, you know, I mean, everybody's kind of loony now. So I was kind of a pioneer in the mental illness thing, too.
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I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny.
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I have horrible stage fright - you know how you go through the bi-polar stage fright thing? Then you go on drugs to get over the stage fright and perform, but then you're not funny at all.
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I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.
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I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.
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I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology.
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Illiteracy is a huge problem in America. One in three adults in our country is illiterate.
Roseanne Barr
I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.
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Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.
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