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My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
Roseanne Barr
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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Sign
Husband
Marriage
Pact
Didn
Suicidal
Women
Signed
Agreement
Mutual
Suicide
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A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.
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I don't really want to hang out with politicians. I'd rather go straight to hell, and not collect $200.
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Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house.
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Excuse the mess but we live here.
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Who's elk horn do I have to blow in order to get something to eat around here?
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TV family sitcoms have always been about fathers who know best and mothers who are so enchanted with everything they do. I wanted to be the first mom to be a mom on TV. I wanted to sent out a message about how us women really feel.
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It's the Night of the Living Dead. It's scary out here.
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Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too.
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I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.
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I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.'
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Impeach the President and the Vice President, they are traitors to America, and so are all of their supporters. Impeach! Anyone in congress who refuses to save our union from these traitors by doing nothing needs to be recalled.
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Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil.
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There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.
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I think I should be here alone to rethink the world, I do. I want these lesser humans gone.
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Illiteracy is a huge problem in America. One in three adults in our country is illiterate.
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US needs to fix up it's election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed.
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I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?'
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My family were hitters. If you made them laugh, they didn't hit you. My dad wouldn't hit me if I got him with humor right between the eyes.
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I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.
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My grandmother ... came here, not only like so many others because of the streets 'being paved with gold' and all, but because she wanted to leave the place where the streets were paved with people who had not gone to America.
Roseanne Barr
