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The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

Roseanne Barr

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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
Blogger
Film Actor
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
Roseanne
Cleaner
House
Cleaners
Vacuums
Vacuum
Cleaning
Riding
Worry
Sears
Comes

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Excuse the mess but we live here.
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I first would allow the guilty bankers to pay, you know, the ability to pay back anything over $100 million [of] personal wealth because I believe in a maximum wage of $100 million. And if they are unable to live on that amount of that amount then they should, you know, go to the reeducation camps and if that doesn't help, then being beheaded.
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politics and religion in the United States work like the twin grips of a pair of pliers on a critical mass of the masses.
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I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great.
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I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around.
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I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.
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A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.
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I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference.
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Most of the books call Her a He, but I am able to ascertain what is meant, despite that semantic error.
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Your body is your instrument, you play it expertly.
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I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.
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As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
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If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.
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I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three.
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You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park.
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Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us?
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Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians.
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I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
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I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.
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I'm so much more famous than I am financially successful.
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