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As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
Roseanne Barr
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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
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Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
Roseanne Thomas
Roseanne Cherrie Barr
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More quotes by Roseanne Barr
I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great.
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You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.
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The one who cares the most wins. ... That's how I knew I'd end up with everyone else waving the white flags and not me. That's how I knew I'd be the last person standing when it was all over. ... I cared the most.
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In the new world every position of power evacuated by an arrested and beheaded pedophile or bankster will be filled with a grandmother who has pledged to create heaven on earth for all children, animal and humans with the stolen money we have recovered.
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I hold to nothing but envisioning international peace and utopia. We all have many more things in common than not.
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I avoided reality for most of my life. But once you deal with it, it's kind of cool.
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I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.
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We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.
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I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
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I like to get people talking. I am a provocateur, and I do like getting on Twitter and riling people up. You know what, after a while some sane dialogue and sane conclusions come of that kind of thing.
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I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.
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I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.
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I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.
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There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind.
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They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts!
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I had one kid with the birth control pill, I had one with the diaphram and I had one with the I.U.D. I don't even know what happened with my I.U.D. It never came out. But I have my suspicions because that kid picks up HBO.
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Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it.
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Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil.
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I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.
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Who's elk horn do I have to blow in order to get something to eat around here?
Roseanne Barr
