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A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.

Roseanne Barr

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Roseanne Barr
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: November 3
Actress
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Television Actor
Television Producer
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Salt Lake City
Utah
Roseanne Arnold
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Roseanne Cherrie Barr
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More quotes by Roseanne Barr

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There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.
Roseanne Barr
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I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.
Roseanne Barr
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Who's elk horn do I have to blow in order to get something to eat around here?
Roseanne Barr
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Legalize hemp and allow women to grow it and make food, clothing and housing for pennies from it and legalize marijuana too. Let women integrate their divided consciousness with a natural herb instead of doctors' pills that kill the liver.
Roseanne Barr
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We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.
Roseanne Barr
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After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.
Roseanne Barr
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I meditate so I know how to find a peaceful place within to be calm and peaceful.
Roseanne Barr
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Your body is your instrument, you play it expertly.
Roseanne Barr
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When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying.
Roseanne Barr
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I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.
Roseanne Barr
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I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny.
Roseanne Barr
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You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park.
Roseanne Barr
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My grandmother ... came here, not only like so many others because of the streets 'being paved with gold' and all, but because she wanted to leave the place where the streets were paved with people who had not gone to America.
Roseanne Barr
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The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment Roseanne dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!
Roseanne Barr
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Oh, hi. I been married thirteen years, and lemme tell you, it's a thrill to be out of the house. I never get out of the house. I stay home all the time. I never do anything fun 'cause I'm a housewife. I hate the word housewife. I prefer to be called domestic goddess.
Roseanne Barr
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Being hated and hunted and blamed for your own suffering makes people kind of testy, nervous, and on edge, and often fundamentalist and extreme. Bombs get thrown only when people cannot honestly talk together.
Roseanne Barr
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I always had a dissociative disorder. But I healed from it over the course of 14 years of big-time therapy. But, you know, I mean, everybody's kind of loony now. So I was kind of a pioneer in the mental illness thing, too.
Roseanne Barr
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'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.
Roseanne Barr
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I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.'
Roseanne Barr
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I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them.
Roseanne Barr