I am just fascinated by this reassurance from a menacing figure. It is rather frightening.

It is a weird thing, because most people tend to get more conservative as they get older, but I find myself going the opposite way. I am sure that by the end I will be selling Marxist pamphlets on the Holloway Road.

William Hague, the world's favourite hairline.

I remember driving home one evening while they were reviewing the papers on the radio. One of the articles was about me separating from my wife. It's a weird thing to listen to a news report about the break-up of your marriage.

But let's be clear. We're talking about a country where there's no opposition. As leader he can ignore Parliament and - sorry that's Tony Blair isn't it? Um, so he doesn't even have to ask the country before he goes to war - sorry that's still Tony Blair.

I had an Edinburgh, middle-class childhood and a public school education.

British politics is more nuanced. Part of the problem with New Labour is that they are a moving target.

My first public impression was my French teacher, Derek Swift.

I love the 6 Nations rugby. I feel very Scottish then. I feel very Scottish now, sitting in the middle of Chelsea. But thats part of our heritage - being part of Britain, part of Europe. I love being European.

Tony Blair has always said he will be judged by history. Now Alastair Campbell is history we await his judgment.

That business aspect of the media, that Charlotte Street world, the advertising and programme executives, it leaves me absolutely cold. I'm supposed to be the director of a television company, but I've only ever seen that company as a vehicle for making the kind of programmes we wanted to make, getting our ideas on the screen.

In a more intellectually rigorous age, I wouldn't be talked about as a satirist at all. I would just be a topical comedian.

I'm much more used to the TV shows, which are demanding to write and perform but very fulfilling.

I've no idea what they make of me. People usually don't recognise themselves in an impression.

Just when exactly does the Millennium begin? Some say 1999, some say 2000, and some say 2001. You wait a thousand years for one, and three turn up at once.

Now I'm instantly nervous about the demands of doing a weekly column.