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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Laughing
Behind
Guy
Tell
Laughs
Keep
Wanna
Two
Paying
Going
Car
Behinds
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
Rodney Dangerfield
