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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Ideas
Wells
Well
Giving
Quit
Time
Quitting
Knew
Idea
Give
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I can't get no respect.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
