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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wells
Well
Giving
Quit
Time
Quitting
Knew
Idea
Give
Ideas
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I don't get no respect
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
