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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Asked
Parents
Parent
Cop
Child
Hide
Lost
Beach
Find
Lots
Children
Ugly
Places
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
