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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Asked
Parents
Parent
Cop
Child
Hide
Lost
Beach
Find
Lots
Children
Ugly
Places
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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