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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Parent
Cop
Child
Hide
Beach
Lost
Lots
Find
Ugly
Children
Places
Asked
Parents
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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