Quote

I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Places
Asked
Parents
Parent
Cop
Child
Hide
Lost
Beach
Find
Lots
Children
Ugly

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
Rodney Dangerfield
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
Rodney Dangerfield
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
Rodney Dangerfield