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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Garbage
Asked
Wife
Never
Would
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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I don't get no respect
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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