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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Asked
Wife
Never
Would
Garbage
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I can't get no respect.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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