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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Asked
Wife
Never
Would
Garbage
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
Rodney Dangerfield
