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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Kidding
Envious
Wind
Morning
Asks
Tell
People
Stiff
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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