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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Bigs
Something
Grazing
Time
Fats
Saws
Wife
Lasts
Last
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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