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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Last
Bigs
Something
Time
Grazing
Fats
Saws
Wife
Lasts
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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