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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Jury
Group
Fronts
Front
Sex
Groups
Wife
Kidding
Screwed
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
